Technospeak from Wall Street
Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. Bear Market - A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no joy. Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low. Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E Ratio-The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the Market keeps crashing. Broker - Poorer than we were in 1999. "Buy, Buy" - A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane. Standard & Poor - Our life in a nutshell. Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded our stock. Stock Split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves. Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper. Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks. Cash Flow - The movement our money makes as it disappears down the toilet. Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail. Day Trader - Someone who is disloyal from 9-5. Cisco - Sidekick of Pancho. Yahoo - What we yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. Windows 2000 - What we jump out of when we're the sucker that bought Yahoo for $240 per share.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
