Twisted Quotes
Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill. Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
