When Words Fail You … or … Things I Wish I Said
Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.
If nothing sticks to Teflon, then how does it stick to the pan?
We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Having an out of body experience. Back in five.
It's gonna be like threading a needle with a haystack.
The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. --Lily Tomlin
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?
Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
I put the "fun" in dysfunctional.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It's full of nuts.
I'm not just a gardener, I'm a Plant Manager.
My Reality Check bounced.
I get plenty of exercise -- jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
You are here: X
Sweat is nature's way of showing you your muscles are crying.
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission. (Ed's Law)
There are two rules for ultimate success in life.
1. Never tell everything you know.
2. Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
When I get to where I'm going, will somebody please tell me where I am?
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
