"Ya'llbonics"
ANY GOOD SOUTH'NER WORTH THEIR WEIGHT IN PEACHES WILL UNDERSTAND EVERY SINGLE WORD BELOW ! The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer dollar pipeline through Washington designating Southern slang, or y'allbonics, as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. The following are excerpts from the Y'allbonics/English dictionary. HEIDI - (noun) - Greeting. HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage "Heidi, Hire yew ?" BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage "My brother bard my pickup truck." JAWJUH - (noun) - The state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck." BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements." MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts." THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process. Usage "Ah thank ah'll have a bare." BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage "Ah thank ah'll have a bare." IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage "Them bammer boys sure are ignert !" RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago." ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck." FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far." TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck." TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime." RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage "My grampaw retard at age 65." FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat. Usage "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh." RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats." CHEER - (adverb) In this place. Usage Just set that bare rat cheer. FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country." DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage "He's did, Jim." ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas. Oxygen. Usage "He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ARE !" BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable. Usage "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence." HAZE - a contraction. Usage "Is Bubba smart ? Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf." SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see". Usage "Billy Bob seed Bubba over'ta the fill'n station yester'd." VIEW - contraction (verb) and pronoun. Usage "I ain't never seed New York City ... view ?" GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution. Usage "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert."
Originally published November 14, 2002.
