Lawyer Humor

Another Courtroom Transcript

Jan 01, 1900
My Crosswalk Follow topic
Another Courtroom Transcript

CLERK: Please repeat after me: "I swear by Almighty God..."

WITNESS: I swear by Almighty God.

CLERK: That the evidence that I give...

WITNESS: That's right.

CLERK: Repeat it.

WITNESS: Repeat it.

CLERK: No! Repeat what I said.

WITNESS: What you said when?

CLERK: That the evidence that I give...

WITNESS: That the evidence that I give.

CLERK: Shall be the truth and...

WITNESS: It will, and nothing but the truth!

CLERK: Please, just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..."

WITNESS: I'm not a scholar, you know.

CLERK: We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..."

WITNESS: Shall be the truth and.

CLERK: Say: "Nothing...".

WITNESS: Okay. (Witness remains silent.)

CLERK: No! Don't say nothing. Say: "Nothing but the truth..."

WITNESS: Yes.

CLERK: Can't you say: "Nothing but the truth...?"

WITNESS: Yes.

CLERK: Well? Do so.

WITNESS: You're confusing me.

CLERK: Just say: "Nothing but the truth..."

WITNESS: Is that all?

CLERK: Yes.

WITNESS: Okay. I understand.

CLERK: Then say it.

WITNESS: What?

CLERK: "Nothing but the truth..."

WITNESS: But I do! That's just it.

CLERK: You must say: "Nothing but the truth..."

WITNESS: I WILL say nothing but the truth!

CLERK: Please, just repeat these four words: "Nothing," "But," "The" "Truth."

WITNESS: What? You mean, like, now?

CLERK: Yes! Now. Please. Just say those four words.

WITNESS: "Nothing. But. The. Truth."

CLERK: Thank you.

WITNESS: I'm just not a scholar you know...

Originally published November 14, 2002.

My Crosswalk Follow topic

SHARE