- Opening argument in which he called the prosecutor a "Doo-Doo Head" could hurt your case.
- Tries to cheer you up by saying how great you look in orange.
- Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code.
- Keeps trying to call a witness named "Johnny, the Trouser Troll."
- The only question she can come up with during cross-examination is, "Isn't it true that you're lying?"
- Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting from the jury.
- Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he screams, "Yahtzee!"
- Instead of saying "Your honor, I object," he now just rolls his eyes and says, "Whatever."
- Claims staring at the floor is a necessary part of the "discovery" processes.
- Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your lunch.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
