You Know You Need A New Lawyer When
The prosecutor sees your lawyer inthe hall, and they highfive each other.
During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."
He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."
He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."
He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said..."
Originally published August 29, 2005.
