You Know It's Hot Outside When. . . .
you ask your boss for extra work so you can be in the air conditioning as much as possible
you've been getting hot flashes, and you're a man
the swans in the park come in "original recipe" and "extra tasty crispy"
the strawberries are ripe, and the cab drivers are even riper
your pool water starts to boil in the sun
the hot-dogs sold outside Yankee Stadium are actually hot
pigs complain about sweating like fat humans
a scalding hot shower still cools you down
people walking down the sidewalk spontaneously burst into flames
a $20 surcharge is added to your bill when you eat at air-conditioned restaurants
the politicians take their hands out of your pockets to fan themselves
you need a spatula to remove your clothing
you wish you had gotten the cloth seats instead of leather
you are sweating in both directions -- up and down!
you are sitting inside reading these jokes
your brother's braces make blisters on his lips
Originally published July 30, 2005.
