Nebraska State Doctor's Training Hospital
(this manual is not to be released to public)
* * * * * The Dictionary of Medical Terms * * * * *
The following words will be constantly used as you practice medicine, please be advised that you will not be required to know all of them. This has been typed very slowly, so do not worry if you cannot read very fast.
Benign................What you be after you be eight.
Artery................The study of paintings.
Bacteria..............Back door to cafeteria.
Barium................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section......A neighborhood in Rome.
CATscan...............Searching for kitty.
Cauterize.............Made eye contact with her.
Colic.................A sheep dog.
Coma..................A punctuation mark.
Dilate................To live long.
Enema.................Not a friend.
Fester................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula................A small lie.
G.I. Series...........World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail..............What you hang your coat on.
Labor Pain............Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff.........A Doctor's cane.
Morbid................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates..............Cheaper than day rates.
Node..................I knew it.
Outpatient............A person who has fainted.
Pelvis................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative........A letter carrier.
Recovery Room.........Place to do upholstery.
Secretion.............Hiding something.
Seizure...............Roman emperor.
Tablet................A small table.
Terminal Illness......Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor.................More than one.
Varicose..............Near by/close by.
Originally published February 27, 2003.
