The Doctor Says... But He REALLY Means...
"Well, what have we here...?" "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?" "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." "Let me check your medical history." "Well, now, we have some good news and some bad news." "This should be taken care of right away." "Let me schedule you for some lab tests." "Let's see how it develops." "I'd like to prescribe a new drug." "That's quite a nasty looking wound." "This may smart a little." "This should fix you up." "Everything seems to be normal." "I'd like to run some more tests."
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that really needs to be cured.
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
I think I'm going to throw up.
Last week two patients almost bit off their tongues.
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff. Hope it works...
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
