Weight Loss Tips

1. Chinese diet: you can eat every thing you want - with only one chopstick.

2. I was on a diet so hard that I couldn't even lick stamps without a low calorie glue.

3. Once I tried to be on a diet: they were the 3 worst hours in my life.

4. The secret of health is moderation: because of this I limit the number of diets I start.

5. In every fat man there is a thin man trying to get out to write a book on diets.

~~OR~~

5. Inside me is a thin man struggling to get out. But I can usually sedate him with a few Twinkies.

6. When I start a diet, the first thing I lose is my willpower.

7. I just discovered the real balanced diet: now my stomach is jutting out as far as my bottom.

8. I had a diet based on garlic: I didn't even lose a pound, but as compensation I lost many friends.

9. Despair is to shave before weighing.