Cheer-Up
There's a yuppie somewhere who just pulled a hamstring in one of those sissy aerobics classes. Remember that nasty old nun who used to hit your knuckles with a ruler? She's 75 years old now, and she has arthritis. The worse things get,... the less you have to lose! You'll be happy to know that your local newspaper is made of 50% recycled material. (That's 1% recycled paper; 49% recycled news articles.) Miss Manners has finally been discredited. It's rude to tell other people what to do! Every three minutes, somewhere in America a suburban housewife backs the family car through the garage door. No matter how bad things get, your folks still have your old bedroom ready, and you're welcome to go back home. The time you spent reading this email could've been spent more productively. But you're not bothered because you're one of those well-adjusted people who really doesn't give a hoot.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
