Glass
I'm sure you've heard the old story referring to optimism and pessimism that is determined by whether you think the glass is half-empty or half-full. Here are the reactions when somebody leaves a half glass of milk next to the keyboard.
Optimist:
The glass is half full.
Pessimist:
The glass is half empty.
Apple Computer:
You guys really oughta be drinking Perrier.
Assembly programmers:
No thanks; I drink straight from the cow.
Basic programmers:
No thanks; I'm still breast-feeding.
Bill Gates:
Not enough market share to be Microsoft milk.
C Programmers:
No thanks; I drink straight from the jug.
CIA:
What makes you think that's milk?
National news media:
Hey, we wanted OJ!
Non-procedural language programmers:
I drank it when nobody was looking.
NSA:
We know what it really is.
Pascal programmers:
Well, what type of milk is it?
Pentium users:
I drank Glass * .49999999 . . . but don't hold me to that.
Prolog programmers:
I know I drank it - just don't ask me how.
Copy protection crazies:
Somebody drank half my milk and didn't pay for it!
Feminist:
How come HIS glass is bigger than MINE?
Free Software Foundation:
That milk is the cow's contribution to all mankind!
Futurist:
The milk's in the wrong half of the glass.
Fuzzy logic guys:
I may or may not have drunk some part of that milk.
IBM:
Rent the glass from us and we'll fill it with something we know is good for
you.
Idealist:
In a decent world, this glass would be filled to the brim and big enough for
everyone to enjoy.
IRS:
Thanks for getting your milk withholding correct this year.
Mac users:
Where's my pump?
Schroedinger:
That stupid cat got into the milk again!
Security consultant:
Where'd the rest of the milk go?
Originally published July 15, 2004.
