Murphy Applicable Laws
Lerman's Law of Technology:
Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money.
Corollary:
You are never given enough time or money.
Law of the Search:
The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.
Corollary:
It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.
Kaufman's Paradox of the Corporation:
The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
The Salary Axiom:
The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your
take-home pay.
Miller's Law of Insurance:
Insurance covers everything except what happens.
First Law of Living:
As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.
Weiner's Law of Libraries:
There are no answers, only cross-references.
Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness:
Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale.
Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.
Kenny's Law of Auto Repair:
The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location.
Second Law of Business Meetings:
If there are two possible ways to spell a person's name, you will pick the wrong one.
Corollary:
If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway.
The Grocery Bag Law:
The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.
Yeager's Law:
Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle.
Corollary:
All breakdowns occur on the plumber's day off.
Lampner's Law of Employment:
When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.
Quile's Consultation Law:
The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services.
Loftus' Law:
Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even which book it is.
Lovka's Dilemma:
You never get away, you only get someplace else.
Originally published March 29, 2004.
