Rules of Chocolate
If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. Problem: How do you get two bars of chocolate home from the shop in a hot car? Solution: Eat them in the car park. Diet Tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less. A nice box of chocolate provides your total daily intake of calories in one go. If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights and they will jump out of the chocolate to escape. Equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate is a balanced diet. Two phrases: Money talks. Chocolate sings. The preservatives in chocolate make you look younger. Why is there no such organisation as Chocoholics Anonymous? Answer: Because no-one wants to quit. Without chocolate there would be no need for control-top tights and an entire garment industry would be devastated. Put 'eat chocolate' at the top of your list of things to do today. That way at least you'll get one thing done.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
