Star Wars Is Better Than Titanic
2. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
3. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait.
4. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
5. We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancée like property.
We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people and blows up planets for fun.
6. The Titanic is big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.
7. Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?
8. Rose braves icy water to rescue her man.
Leia braves Jabba the Hutt.
9. There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars .
10. Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the world?"
11. If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would use the Force to get the key.
12. Nothing has the same sting as "I'd rather kiss a Wookie."
13. Han Solo would've steered clear of that stinkin' iceberg!
14. We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could've anticipated, "Luke....I am your father!?!"
15. Stormtroopers blast big holes in stupid minor characters; everyone in Titanic was a stupid minor character.
Originally published April 16, 2003.
