My Informative and Humorous Article On Typing and Emails
You know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence.
Psalm 139:4 (MSG)
My wife looks like an ET hand-model when she types --- three fingers protruding from each hand. She's self-taught and tyhpes verryy fast with her 3 fengers. Thank you, honey. I'll take it from here.
I took a typing class in high school, probably the most helpful class for future life skills (and we didn't even know about the internet yet). Oh, it was out there, but not the way it is now.
Typing is something I fairly good at as you can see by my lighting speed and flawless spelling. Grammar me not so good.
Now that I think about it I guess you couldn't see me typing. What a shame. Speed-typing --- hey, if golf is a sport why not speed typing? It's fast-paced. There could be a bell that the winner rings when they reach the end of their paragraph. Action and bell sounds --- that's a sport. Looking and thinking? Golf is like chess with a stick and ball. It's for chess players who like to walk.
I'm amazed at how many people can't type, especially with that useful little item known as the email. People just don't know how to write good. (That's a joke for you Grammar lovers.)
Here are some of the most annoying email practices.
The non-punctuated email:
hey man good to hear from you i just got back from vacation and it was so great we wen to the caymen islands did the hanggliding thing and now i know why birds poop while they're flying it's scary man.
See you later
(Either these people have way too much energy or this is the way they actually talk --- without pausing, one sentence running into the next. Or they're just way too lazy. "Look, if I use periods that means I have to use the shift key to capitalize the next word. Plus, periods and commas imply thinking and thinking implies working at what you're doing. Not for me.")
The badly-punctuated email:
Hey man, heard about your trip. To the islands. Sounds like fun but I don't, know, sounds scary to. I know how annoying emails, without punctuation can be. So I decided to throw some in. However I don't really know that much about grammar. I know when you stop you should put a period. At the end of a thought. Then go on. Just like, when you talk. Commas, are a whole different story. I tend to use them, with most words that begins with "w." They seem to come after, which a lot. Sometimes I just guess. Hope this is better.
The all-caps email:
DUDES,
WHAT IS THIS I'M HEARING? YOU WENT TO THE CAYMEN ISLANDS? WHY WASN'T I TOLD? WHY WASN'T I INVITED? IS IT BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE AN INDOOR VOICE? THAT'S JUST WHO I AM. I DON'T EVEN TYPE IN AN INDOOR VOICE. MY FAMILY WAS LARGE AND LOUD AND I'M PROUD OF IT. BESIDES, THIS IS HOW YOU TALK WHEN YOU'RE HANG GLIDDING. "WOW, IT'S BEAUTIFUL UP HERE!" SEE? YOU SHOULD HAVE INVITED ME.
The all-too-brief email:
Guys,
Sounds great. Call me. I type with three fingers.
Later
Thor Ramsey is the host of the T.V. comedy show, Bananas.
Watch it free online!
Originally published October 13, 2010.
