Dysfunctional Greeting Cards
I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.
As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.
Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.
Someday I hope to marry...
(Inside card) - Someone other than you.
Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!
When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card! ) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.
We've been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?
I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.
You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and Arkansas)
Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...!
(Inside card) - What was I thinking?
Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband!
Originally published May 01, 2004.
