Groaners - You've Been Warned!
Published Sep 05, 2004
Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies,"Yes, I'm positive..."
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was "a salted".
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home. "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Doc says, "It's Not Unusual."
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed; is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Li Chen. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I didn't see any.
I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you cant - I've cut off your arms!"
I went to a seafood disco last week . . . and pulled a mussel.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A "fsh".
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
Originally published September 06, 2004.
