Silly One Liners
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
*****
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' " "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
*****
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"
*****
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive...!"
*****
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet. "Let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What! Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
*****
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
*****
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank.
Proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
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Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A. A f sh.
*****
Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "I'll man the guns, you drive."
Originally published November 23, 2003.
