Words of Wisdom
By:Steven Wright
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts!
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges did not livethere.
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."
So what's the speed of dark?
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUTof the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above meare furious!
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
The other day I went to a tourist information booth and said: "Tell me about some of the tourists who were here last year."
Originally published November 14, 2002.
