O s a m a C l a s s i f i e d A d s
For Sale: Huge cave, ventilated, isolated for privacy, rock solid. More ventilation is added daily due to heavy bombardment. Free ear plugs included! Call 1-800-BIG-BANG.
For Sale: Terrorist training course. Learn from my mistakes. Includes my exclusive list of countries you shouldn't mess with, they get really mad! Damn cowboys. Call 1-800-IMA-DOPE.
Wanted: A safe place to cower in fear while I talk big and pervert the minds of the young and senseless. Preferably near a teeming population of highly gullible people that would be susceptible to empty promises of vainglory. Call 1-800-YOU-FOOL
For Sale: Wives, variety of ages. Looks unimportant, lovely burkas! Reason for selling: they can't run fast. Call 1-800-SLO- LADY.
Wanted: Tank repairman. Must have own tools and be able to work without missing parts. Location: a little here, a little there, little pieces everywhere. Call 1-800-BLO-MEUP
Wanted: Emotional counseling for misunderstood former terrorist with delusions of grandeur. Severely depressed, even my mother doesn't love me. Call 1-800-WOE-ISME.
Originally published October 31, 2003.
