Postal Service

Welcome to this year's Postal Workers Entrance Exam. I see that all of you have been able to find yourselves a seat and a desk, so obviously you're well on your way to becoming postal workers. Should you pass this exam and become a member of the US Post Office, you will enjoy not only the esteem and envy of all your friends but also a unique package of fringe benefits, including:

* An early retirement scheme which allows you to retire while still turning up for work

* Flextime which enables you to decide when you don't want to work at work and when you don't what to work away from work

* Free use of government stationery and the Pitney-Bowes meter machine for all your postage needs I must at this stage warn all examinees that anyone found cheating or copying from a neighbor's paper will be automatically assigned to the Letters to Santa Claus Division.

OK, now we're ready to begin:

MATHEMATICS:

Please answer the following questions in the spaces provided on your Answer Sheet.

1. If you went to lunch at 12 noon and came back to work at 2.30pm, how long have you had for lunch? -- The answer, of course, is half an hour.

2. If one postal employee takes 3 hours to process a 321/L3/MX1 form how long would it take two postal employees to process the same form? -- The answer is, of course, four hours.

For those of you who failed the Mathematics test, don't worry -- you may still be eligible to become a tax policy adviser.

MULTIPLE CHOICE:

1. If you are about to take your lunch break and a female member of the general public comes with an inquiry, you should address her by saying:

a. May I help you, Madam? b. May I help you, Miss? c. What can I do you for, baby? d. How's tricks, doll-face?

The correct answer is: None of the above. This is a trick question. If you are about to take your lunch break, you shouldn't talk to her at all.

2. If a member of the general public phones up with a complaint and you realize that the file on this matter has been lost, you should say:

a. We are aggressively looking into the matter. b. Can I get back to you on this one? c. The matters have been referred to another committee d. I haven't had a chance to look into it yet.

Again, this is a trick question. The correct answer is that you should tell them that they have the wrong telephone extension.

SPELLING:

Spell the following words: