- You vote Democrat because it's easier than getting a job!
- You think the rich can get richer off people who have no money.
- You've named your kids "Stardust" or "Moonbeam".
- You've tried to argue that all of societies problems are based on the fact that McDonald's, by law, only has to pay $5.45/hr.
- If you utter the phrase "There ought to be a law" at least once a week.
- If you have ever used the phrase "protecting prisoner's rights".
- If you find yourself nodding vigorously and saying "someone finally said it right" during an episode of Oprah.
- You call the execution of a homicidal aniac "murder" but call murder "pro-choice".
- You've ever referred to the Military/Industrial Complex during a conversation.
- You know you never laughed as a kid, the world was in just too bad a shape.
- All of your 1970's "Beware of Global Freezing" signs now have "Beware of Global Warming" on the back.
- Your friends told you how much fun you had at the Grateful Dead show, but your not sure what year you saw them.
- You file suit against the mall rent-a-cops for posting signs stating that your bags are subject to inspection.
- You've ever argued that "you can't legislate morality".
- Referred to the Founding Fathers as "those aristocratic, chauvinistic, lily white, slave owning, land stealing oppressors of indigenous personnel".
Originally published November 14, 2002.
