Catholic Dictionary
The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN:
Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR:
A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.
HYMN:
A song of praise usually sung in a key two octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN:
The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
INCENSE:
Holy Smoke!
JUSTICE:
When kids have kids of their own.
PEW:
A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.
RECESSIONAL:
The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
RELICS:
People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
TEN COMMANDMENTS:
The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
USHERS:
The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
Originally published July 02, 2003.
