Church Dictionary
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN: 1. Parish information, read only during the homily.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.
HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
INCENSE: Holy Smoke!
JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
MANGER:
1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph didn't have private health coverage.
2. The Biblical proof that holiday travel has always been rough.
PEW: A medieval torture device still found in most Churches.
USHERS: The only people in the parish who "don't" know the seating capacity of a pew!!
Originally published July 19, 2004.
