Church Light Bulbs
How many church members does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatic:
Only one.
Hands already in the air.
Pentecostal:
Ten.
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians:
None.
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic:
None.
Candles only.
Baptists:
At least fifteen.
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and
decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
Episcopalians:
Three.
One to call the electrician, one to serve the drinks and one to talk about how
much better the old one was.
Mormons:
Five.
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians:
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for
a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service in which we
will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including candescent, fluorescent, three- way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists:
Undetermined.
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You
can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene:
Six.
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans:
None.
Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish:
What's a light bulb?
Originally published January 30, 2004.
