Church Speek
AMEN - the part of a prayer that everyone understands.
BULLETIN - a claim check to show your Mom you went to church.
CHOIR - a group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.
HYMN - a song of praise sung three octaves higher than an operatic soprano can reach.
CLOSING HYMN - the last song in the service, usually sung softly so as not to awaken the children.
JESUITS - an order of priests known for their ability to establish colleges with good basketball teams.
JUSTICE - when your kids have kids of their own.
MANGER - where Mary gave birth because Joseph didn't have MediCare.
OFFERATORY PROCESSION - when the ushers come forward to receive the offering, followed by late visitors looking for seats.
PEW - seating designed to punish you for your sins.
Submitted by: Brknshll
Originally published May 31, 2005.
