Dictionary for the Church

BULLETIN:
1. Parish information, read only during the homily.
2. Air conditioning.
3. Your receipt for attending church.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip sync.

HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Service, often sung a little more quietly, since some of the people have already left.

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER:
1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO.
2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in most churches.

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Service, consisting of priests/ministers, the choir and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Service - led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.