Hey, Leave that Old Lady Alone.
A man approached the pearly gates and was stopped by St. Peter. "Excuse me," said the gatekeeper. "But you can't just stroll in Heaven without a reservation. Name?" The hopeful chap gave his name. While St. Peter scanned the pages, the fellow chimed in, "Probably not much need to look, I'm sure I made it."
St. Peter looked up skeptically. "Oh, really?" Setting aside his quill and fixing a knowing gaze on the man, he prepared to burst his 'works' bubble. "Just what have you ever done to merit Heaven?" "Well," began the fellow, "Once I helped this little old lady that was being mugged. The mugger was about six feet tall, weighed about 300 pounds, had a long scraggly beard, a shaved head covered with tattoos, a pair of brass knuckles and a switchblade.
I went up to him and said, "Hey, you...leave this poor old lady alone!" Looking over the rather slight man, St. Peter sounded dubious. "And when did this happen?" "About 30 seconds ago!"
Originally published November 14, 2002.
