Renegade Alien Bovines: Friend or Foe?
WASHINGTON (Roepers News Service) - Renegade Alien Bovine... Have you seen them? Do they glow in the dark? Do they mean us any harm? Do they really give glowing olive green milk? Do they leave smiley face crop circles and glowing grass behind? SHOULD WE BE AFRAID?
These are a few of the pressing questions that this reporter has gotten the last few days since the first sighting was reported in Richmond Virginia. I immediately set out to discover the truth. I have interviewed several individuals and to be honest only produced more questions. Ms. Agape Toes of the UK replied to my question with a question… "Excuse me…Alien Bovines? Where? Have you been abducted?"
Obviously I haven't been abducted. Sadly I have yet to see one of these creatures. Ms. Toes then stated she had no idea what I was talking about.
Another Crosswalker, Ms. Sunnie Flower of Texas, claims to have had a rather close encounter with these bovines. She started volunteering information before I asked my first question. She states that the creatures landed in a rice field near her home. When she approached them they demanded that she take them to her farmer. She said she then got in her car and drove to Farmer Ben's place an hour away with the bovines following behind her in their spaceship. Ms. Flower also reports that once they arrived at Farmer Ben's place the Bovines demanded to be milked. Farmer Ben Milked the Bovine as it demanded and out came olive green milk. Ms. Flower lost all recollection and woke up at home two days later. The only thing that leaves her sure her encounter was real is the presence of a huge smiley face crop circle burned into the field next to her home.
From Texas I go north, To Idaho, where I meet Ms. Awed who actually snapped a picture of one of these odd creatures while it was having a snack in her back yard. Ms. Awed, a famed photographer known for her masterful photo manipulation skills, states that she was washing the dishes and a sinus headache suddenly took hold of her, she paused to rub her head and when she looked up she was shocked to find a Renegade Alien Bovine grazing in her yard. Ms. Awed stated that the bovine she met was a true renegade, the "in your face" kind of bovine leaving only a glowing patch in the yard. Her advice to all Crosswalkers is to steer clear of them and think twice now when your sinuses act up.
When I arrived back in Washington I was approached by a high-ranking military official in a dark alley. He was sipping something from a glowing milk carton as he stated that my research was going to get me no where, that these renegade alien bovine sightings were simply mass hallucinations brought on by the consumption of Recombinant Bovine Growth Hormone in our milk supply.
He also mumbled something about the army not using the olive green milk in field-testing on troops. The Federal Government is maintaining the "No Comment" stance they have assumed from the beginning of these strange sightings.
Are these bovine a threat to national security? Are they here to take over the earth and put humans out to pasture and make human skin jackets? This reporter doesn't think so. What do Moooo think?
Originally published February 20, 2009.
