The REAL Night Before Christmas
(By Parents) 'Twas the night before Christmas Instructions were studied The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds, We opened the boxes, Too late for last-minute returns or replacement; With each part numbered and every slot named, "Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there! And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work, Then laying the tools away in the chest, Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring, Then off to dreamland and sweet repose
when all through the house
I searched for the tools
to hand to my spouse
and we were inspired,
in hopes we could manage
"Some Assembly Required."
while Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
a kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's townhouse to boot!
And now, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!
my heart skipped a beat -
let no parts be missing
or parts incomplete!
if we can't get it right, it goes straight to the basement!
When what to my worrying eyes should appear
but 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
so if we failed, only we could be blamed.
More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
all over the carpet they were scattered about.
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."
that all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
to keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
with "assembly required" till morning's first light.
till our eyes, they went blurry; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
before we attached the last rod and last pin.
we fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.
and not run to the store for one single thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
for the perfect, most magical, Christmas, I bet!"
I gratefully went, though I suppose
there's something to say for those self-deluded-
I'd forgotten that BATTERIES are never included!
Originally published December 20, 2009.
