Hawaii - 10 Ways to Identify a "Local"
1) Most school children can say humuhumunukunukuapua'a and know that it is the colorful state fish.
2) You can tell the difference between a Japanese Local and a Japanesetourist . . . even if neither is carrying a camera.
3) You know *not* to stand with your back to the ocean...or a blow hole. You know the red flags on the beach means only the best or the foolish go swimming.
4) You know that a "Kane" is a man and a "Wahine" is a woman without looking at the pictures on the restroom doors.
5) It is pronounced "Aloha" not "AaaalooohAAA! even though it means the same thing and said with the same kind of smile. Correspondingly, Hawaii - Havaii; either is acceptable, whereas Huh-why-yah causes uncontrollable wincing to Locals within hearing range.
6) There are *so* 4 seasons: Mango season, Tourist season, Hurricane season and Rainy season.
7) Our primary seasonings: Hawaiian Salt, Chili Pepper, Brown Sugar, Shoyu and sometimes White Vinegar during Mango Season.
8) Our staples: Rice, Poi and Mac Salad. Locals know "Hawaiian Paralysis" is caused by consuming these in vast quantities.
9) You know the Friday Special plate lunch will have laulau, kalua pig, lomi salmon and the aforementioned staples. This is the *1st* thing an expatriate will have upon return to the Islands . . . usually in amounts sufficient to induce the Hawaiian Paralysis.
10) You may not necessarily be able to dance the hula yourself, but Locals darn well know better than to get up on any stage, in public, especially after consuming any drink that is blue in color!
Originally published March 21, 2005.
