Picking on the Bag Pipes
Q. Why do pipers always walk when they play? Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion? Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline? Q. How can you tell a piper with perfect pitch? Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play in perfect unison? Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded? Q. Why are a piper's fingers like lightning? Q. What's one thing you never hear people say? Q. What's the range of a bagpipe? Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune? Q. Why is a bagpipe like a SCUD missile? Q. "Hey, Buddy! How late does the pipe band play?" Q. Why do they call it a "kilt"? Q. How can you tell the piper is an optomist?
A. Moving targets are harder to hit.
A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.
A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.
A. Shoot one.
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
A. They rarely strike the same spot twice.
A. Oh, that's the pipe player's Porsche.
A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm.
A. Someone is blowing into it.
A. Both are offensive and inaccurate.
A. "Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."
A. Because a lot of people got kilt when they called it a skirt.
A. He carries a beeper.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
