Rules of the Road

The youngest passenger will have to pee every 50 miles, no matter how fast you drive.
The minute you pass a "Last exit for 50 miles" sign, someone will have to pee.
The millisecond you throw a bottle from your car, a state trooper will appear.
The exact change toll lane moves slower than the lane that has to make change.
Toll booth operators must possess at least two of the following qualities:

• Less than ten digits
• Lack of teeth
• A rare skin disorder
• The ability to mispronounce the simplest of words
• The inability to give directions in under ten minutes

If you approach an empty intersection at 3:00 AM, the light will turn red and stick for two or three cycles.
The minute you decide to run the red light at 3:00 AM, a state trooper will appear.
When the gas gauge needle hits "E", there's still a gallon left in the tank.
When the gas gauge needle hits "F", the tank isn't really full.
Car trouble never happens until you have an important meeting, are already running late, or are at least 100 miles from any type of help.

Originally published November 14, 2002.