- A music score of ten notes will win an Academy Award.
- People will pay to see a movie about a boat that left dock once.
- You can actually win a transatlantic boat ticket in a bar card game without getting killed.
- No one thinks anything less of you if you wear the same clothes throughout the entire movie.
- Just about anyone can do a bad Italian accent and get away with it.
- If you really love each other you can run anywhere on a ship and not get caught.
- How to spit.
- That you can hang off the railings of a ship and not get caught.
- That you have to be wheel-chaired around deck but still can manage to hang off the rails and not get caught.
- That the guy who played Dr. M'Benga from Bewitched is still around.
- That History is not as important as a chick-flick story.
- Looking young and straight teeth are good substitutes for quality acting.
- A sinking ship will throw off your aim while firing a .45 at point blank range.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
