This is Elmer
Many years ago, I was taking a commuter flight from Minneapolis and we had a comedian for the "what to-do and not-to do", here's a sampling from his monologue.
In the unlikely event of a loss in cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop down. If you are travelling with a child, don your mask first then put theirs on. If you are travelling with someone who acts like a child, your choice..
There is no smoking on this plane, anyone found smoking in the rest rooms will be jettisoned without a parachute when we reach our cruising altitude of 30,000 feet..
In the unlikely event of a water landing, please proceed calmly to the aforementioned exits and float about until the stewardess brings you the beverage of your choice..
If you have any questions, please ask one of our stewardesses, Boom-Boom and Simba... they know all the answers. This is Elmer signing off....
During this time, the stewardesses had a fixed smile on their faces... I would have hated to be Elmer..
Originally published November 14, 2002.
