You Are a REAL New Yorker if ...

How to know you are a REAL New Yorker:

You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.

You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

Hookers and the homeless are invisible.

Your door has more than three locks.

The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.

You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.

You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard.

You consider Westchester "Upstate."

You cried the day Ed Koch took over for Wapner.

You think Central Park is "nature."

You're paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal."

You've been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times.

You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the U.S. pay in rent.

You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the clubs when most Americans are heading to bed.

You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.

Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip."

America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.

You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.

You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.

Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.

$50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.