ARE NORTHERNERS "BLUE NECKS"?By now I'm sure that you have heard all the Redneck jokes. Now here are some takes on how Southern folks look at their Northern cousins:
YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUENECK IF:
- You think barbecue is a verb meaning, "to cook outside."
- You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY!
- You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
- For breakfast, you would prefer potato au gratin to grits.
- You don't know what Moon Pie is.
- You've never had an RC Cola.
- You've never, ever, eaten okra, fried or boiled.
- You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
- You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
- You have no idea what a polecat is.
- You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
- You don't have bangs.
- You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
- More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.
- You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
- Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.
- You don't think Ted Kennedy has an accent.
- You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-n-knife show.
- You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
- You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
- The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an onramp to the highway.
- You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
- The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
- You call binoculars "opera glasses."
- You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
- You would never wear pink or an appliquéd sweatshirt.
- You don't know what appliqué is.
- You don't know anyone with at least two first names (I.e. Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Billie Ruth, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice)
- You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
- You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
- You can do your laundry without quarters.
- None of your fur coats are homemade
Originally published November 14, 2002.
