You Know You're From the American Prairies When
you only own three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup
the mosquitoes have landing lights
you have more miles on your snowblower than your car
you have 10 favorite recipes for deer meat
you thought "Grumpy Old Men" was a documentary
the Tire Store on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas
you live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground
you've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard
driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow
you think everyone from the city has an accent
you owe more money on your snowmobile than your car
the local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports
at least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant
the most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun
your snowblower gets stuck on the roof
you think the start of deer season is a national holiday
you head south to go to your cottage
you frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck
you know which leaves make good toilet paper
the mayor greets you on the street by your first name
there is only one shopping plaza in town
the major parish fundraiser isn't bingo - its sausage making
you find -40C a mite chilly
the trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer
you can play road hockey on skates
you can tell the difference between a chipmunk and a squirrel from 300 yards away
shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout
you know the 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Not Winter and Almost Winter
Originally published November 14, 2002.
