Elevator Safety Memo
I just saw this at a new job I'm starting at. Apparently, this is a fun place to work, based on how much fun the Human Resources has. . . . (the names have been changed, not that anyone would know them anyway).
To: All Employees
From: Mary (Human Resources)
Re: Elevator Safety
Yes, it is time again for one of those profound memos from the Human Resource Department. You may be aware of the fact that several people were stuck in the elevator today. Apparently, the cause was due to the elevator being overloaded. As a result, I put together a list of recommendations which will help improve elevator safety.
1. Do not allow more than 9 to 10 people to travel in the elevator with you.
2. Make sure you have gone to the bathroom prior to riding the elevator.
3. As a courtesy to all the people that are riding the elevator with you, refrain from eating beans for breakfast or lunch.
4. Wait for the next elevator in the event that Judy, Janet or Tammy are going to ride. Judy and Janet are claustrophobics, and Tammy just panics about everything. In the event that you decide to ride with any combination of these three ladies, I hope you know CPR.
5. If you find it absolutely necessary to get stuck in the elevator, please punch out.
All kidding aside, please follow the first suggestion. It is important to ensure your safety.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
