Excuses for Being Late for Work
"Actually, I've been here for over 20 minutes, big guy -- I was just out chillin' in the van waiting for the end of the live version of 'Freebird'." "I keep forgetting which side of the International Date Line you're on." "We're *open* on Tuesdays?!?" "I had to take extra time this morning to wrestle with overwhelming aggressive impulses by reassuring myself that nothing would happen today that would push me over the edge." "I'm late because I was on the phone trying to get *your* lousy shipping department to send the company's office supplies directly to the winner of my eBay auction." "Sorry, sir. I overslept and dreamt I had a dead-end job, a windowless office and a humorless baboon for a boss." "On the second Tuesday of the month, the Campho-Phenique man comes by to fill the drum for my home supply of industrial-strength anti-canker sore gel." "I'm sorry, boss, but I had to stop to get you -- uh -- this box of ten donuts." "It took me a little longer than normal to hide my disdain this morning... Sir." "These are not the 'droids you're looking for."
Originally published November 14, 2002.
