Job Descriptions
CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD:
Leaps tall building in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
PRESIDENT:
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
EXECUTIVE VICE-PRESIDENT:
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
VICE-PRESIDENT:
Barely clears a Quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
GENERAL MANAGER:
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by locomotive
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury
Dog paddles
MANAGER:
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotive two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can't stay afloat with a life preserver
TRAINEE:
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter building
Says "look at the choo-choo"
Soaks himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles SECRETARY:
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in his/her teeth
Freezes water with a single glance
Originally published November 14, 2002.
