- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
- Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
- You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
- Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
- Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
- When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
- If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.
- Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.
- Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
- Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
- To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
- Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.
- Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
- The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong
- Until the next person quits or is fired.
- There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
- The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Centre for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T...).
- If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
