Signs to Hang in your Office
I can please only one person per day, and today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking too good either. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. My Reality Check bounced. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. I have not yet begun to procrastinate. I don't suffer from stress. I'm just a carrier. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
