Snappy Things To Say To Co-Workers
Obviously you're unable to assimilate my stimulating concepts into your blighted and retarded world-view. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!? I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. I'll give you a nice, shiny quarter if you'll go away. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. How about never? Is never good for you? I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. I don't work here. I'm a consultant. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
