The Top 10 Reasons You're Having Trouble Finding a Job
10. Instead of shaking hands, you ask them to "pull your finger."
9. All your answers are whispered into your ear by your sock puppet,"Socky."
8. In your zealousness to pad, you claim 10 years of Java and 15 years of HTML.
7. After your interview tantrums, so-called "Equal Opportunity Employers" don't seem to be buying your "Tourette's Syndrome" excuse.
6. "Slashed co-workers with a broken coffee mug" doesn't look as impressive on your resume as you thought it would.
5. Even though Yanni sells all those records, there's no job market for "masters of the pan flute."
4. Small-minded employers find "alien abductions" unacceptable explanation for gaps in work history.
3. Too much time during your interview spent discussing your jihad, not enough on how you would perform as the new personnel counselor.
2. You show up at each interview wearing an aluminum foil suit "just in case of enemy attack."
1. Still busy looking for the real killers.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
