Typical Corporate Lingo
COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:We have no time to train you and you'll have to introduce yourself to your co-workers.
SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE: ....who still live with their parents and won't mind our internship-level salaries.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear ear rings.
JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM:We all listen to nutty motivational tapes.
MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend.
DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around.
MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: We have no quality control.
COLLEGE DEGREE PREFERRED:Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like philosophy or English.
NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE: We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS: You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want, and then do it.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
