- A statistician is someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
- An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
- A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
- A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there.
- A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.
- A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a "brief."
- A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
- A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
- A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.
- A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
