5 Reasons Grandparents Aren’t More Involved

Oh, how easy it is to assume we’re not needed or valued. Especially when communication is lacking, we’re susceptible to the enemy’s lie that says we aren’t an important part of our family’s lives.

These false assumptions couldn’t be further from the truth, and the sooner we recognize them, the sooner we can replace them with healthy beliefs. As Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” One of the good works we were prepared to do is spend quality time with our grandkids. This is a great perspective to keep in mind to help you move forward with purpose and motivation.

Don’t let false assumptions stand in the way of reaching out to your little ones. If needed, talk to your grown kids about how you feel, and emphasize your desire to be involved as much as possible. Listen well and avoid assuming the worst. By working through painful emotions together, you’ll hopefully be drawn closer in the process.

Are you someone who’s easily offended? If so, it might be difficult for you to be involved as a grandparent. I say this with complete understanding of what it’s like to let someone else’s words or actions prevent me from connecting. However, holding on to offenses will only hurt us in the long run, and it’s important to identify the possible triggers.

Here are some examples you might be able to relate to:

-Your adult child makes a rude remark about your grandparenting style.

-You’re jokingly reminded of a past failure.

-You’re left out of an important event or school activity.

-You’re not invited to a milestone celebration or holiday gathering.

-Your grandchild ignores you when visiting.

Letting offenses take root causes us to withhold the love and attention our family deserves. We put a guard around our hearts (understandably so), but it never leads to forgiveness or reconciliation. Instead, it creates even more distance between us and our families.

It’s always best to let the small things go and address bigger issues calmly and directly. Many times, our loved ones don’t even realize they’ve offended us, which only causes more confusion and distance.

Matthew 18:15 says, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.”

Follow Jesus’ instruction and deal with offenses effectively and immediately. This is one of the best ways to create a fresh start and enjoy a closer connection with your kids and grandkids.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Zinkevych

I live a thousand miles away from four of my grandchildren, and it takes real effort to stay as connected as I’d like. Thankfully, we have the option to FaceTime and be included in many of their major milestones. (Praise the Lord for modern technology!)

Physical distance is a true challenge, but sometimes, it can be used as an excuse to remain uninvolved. I’ve used this excuse myself, especially when dealing with pressing matters or feeling consumed by everyday responsibilities. Sadly, I’ve had seasons where I’ve let too much time pass between interactions. This always leaves me feeling guilty and inadequate.

To stay involved despite the distance, we must be both mindful and intentional. I’ve found it helpful to mark my calendar with reminders to reach out via snail mail, text, or FaceTime. I’ve even recorded videos of myself reading books to my two-year-old granddaughter, who absolutely loves hearing stories from Nana.

If you’re looking to be more involved across the miles, consider purchasing a stack of postcards and sending one per week. Your messages can be as simple as, “I love you to the moon and back,” or “I am praying for you, sweetie!”

Physical distance isn’t an excuse, but rather, an opportunity to connect with our grandkids across the miles. After all, they’re the cutest pen pals on the planet!

For many grandparents, feelings of rejection prevent them from truly interacting with their grandchildren. These feelings can be real or perceived, but rejection in any form is a huge barrier to relational connections.

The important thing to remember is that rejection is a tool of the enemy that damages relationships like nothing else. It wreaks havoc on those who receive it, and often, it permanently separates close family members.

Please don’t let rejection stop you from being involved in your grandkids’ lives. Talk to your adult children about the ways you feel pushed away, unaccepted, or outright rejected. And if the rejection is something you’ve only perceived, take it to the Lord and pray against it in Jesus’ name.

Refuse to partner with any lies that you are unworthy, unaccepted, or uninvited. Take authority over these lies and cast them away. Your grandkids are too precious to allow the enemy to prevent you from interacting with them. Be proactive and nix rejection before it divides.

Some grandparents lack confidence in relating to their grandkids, and it’s certainly understandable. Often, this stems from past relationships that were lacking, without a healthy example of what grandparenting was supposed to look like.

If this describes you, take a deep breath and give yourself some grace. Do a little research on how to be an active grandparent according to your strengths. For example, if you’re creative, involve your grandchildren in fun art projects. If you love the outdoors, go on nature walks or teach your grandkids how to garden. Your journey doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s. You get to choose how you connect with your grandchildren in the most meaningful ways possible.

On a Spiritual note, remember the confidence you have in Christ Jesus. In Him, you have been given every Spiritual blessing as mentioned in Ephesians 1:3. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.” You can confidently step into your role as grandparent with God’s strength and direction, trusting Him to provide ample opportunities to pour into your grandkids’ lives.

God bless you and keep you on your grand-parenting journey. Truly, it is one of the greatest blessings this side of heaven. So, move forward with grace, intentionality, and confidence. Your precious littles are waiting to hear from you!

More Resources for Your Journey:

10 Tips for Biblical Grandparenting

10 Things Grandchildren Need to Hear

5 Ways to Make Time with Your Grandchildren More Meaningful